THE JOURNEY - February 2014

Date: 02/17/2014

Feeling: embarrassed and upset with myself

Weight: ##2

Measurements: haven't gotten that far just yet

 

HOW I FEEL

So..... the end of the month last month kinda reallllllllly hit me hard.... I had a pretty intense visit from Aunt Flo -  I was hit with major, major cravings towards the end of January and beginning of February. On top of that we have had snow, snow and more snow and for whatever reason, it throws me off. I suppose its the same thing that makes everyone need to stock up on water and toilet paper, it makes me eat crap and want to cook.

So, we shall say that I have been off the diet since the beginning of February. I officially started back today 02/18/2014.

....sigh....

One thing I noticed last time I did this diet was I always felt STARVED. I realize this is par for the course as this time I've felt the same way. Literally, always starving. I made a note that on 01/14 I had about a cup of mixed nuts for breakfast, a cup of coffee and a bottle of water. For lunch I had leftover roast beef - like 5 thick slices of it, about a half serving of steamed cauliflower, a pickled egg and 2 giant pickle sized cucumbers. I drank 2 bottles of water. There is no reason I should feel so hungry when I'm eating like that! Normally, this would stuff me! Why is it, an hour later, my stomach is literally growling?

I researched it a bit, seems a lot of people have this issue. You are supposed to add more fat to your diet and eat more.

I can do that.... it just costs more and takes a bit more planning...

I need to plan on snacks more.

I assume this will happen again now that I have started it back up - I want to see if after another month this feeling goes away a bit - I don't really remember from last time, especially considering I became pregnant just under 2 months into the lifestyle. But as of now, I know I get pretty effing hungry!!!!!!!! I will say that before I was whacked with PMS and fell off the wagon, I did FEEL lighter. Maybe less water weight? I remember I felt CLEANER on the inside last time I ate this way, and I felt that way again, it's part of the light feeling - everything feels lighter and clearer - hair, insides, body, skin..... it really is a very noticeable result when you begin to eat clean and do away with the processed foods.

Another thing I am feeling - right this moment in fact - is a lot of pain, muscle soreness and achiness in my lower stomach. I had Rilee a year ago. I was already overweight when I got pregnant with her and only gained 20lbs. My stomach did grow quite a bit. I really think I have some muscle separation and tearing. A result of being overweight, PCOS causing fat accumulation in the mid-section, poor muscle tone and being pregnant left me with a pretty terrible lower belly that I am so self conscious and embarrassed of. There is no way to hide it - even if I wore a girdle there is nothing I can do. But, besides it looking terrible, it actually hurts... the muscles are just not there. If you push on my lower belly it is so, so sore.

So, I am going to really try and work in some core strength training. Not only will tightening up these muscles help with losing a few inches, but I know my back will feel better, I will look thinner and my stomach won't literally hurt.

HOW I LOOK

fat. duh. 

PROUD MOMENTS!

 nothing really.... lol I realllly sucked so far.

NOT SO PROUD MOMENTS.....

BEFORE I totally fell off the wagon I had bites... here and there.... lots of stupid, pointless DUMB bites of food. I have two kids, one loves mac and cheese and one loves grilled cheese....... husband hates cheese and won't cook with it - so I have to. Which of course means I have to taste it and check it for poison.......

Ugh.

Good thing I can start over!