If you have to look through another persons eyes to see what a P.O.S you are, then so be it - just make sure to actually look.

(spell check broke before I published this - so get over the spelling mistakes now, please :) lol)

This blog (linked below) post went viral, all over FB, I even shared it on my own page.

It's really a great post, very well written in that it's the writers personal account and her real-life scenario that makes it so easy for us to relate to (instead of finger pointing and advice/opinions wrapped in good intentions from a mom who has it all together or even worse, someone who doesn't even have kids).

When you read about the going-ons in someones life that sound exactly like what goes on in your home, its easy to relate to and is comforting to know - you are not alone. I've become a frequent reader of her blog now and encourage you to check out the original post below.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/12/10/the-bully-too-close-to-home/bully-too-close-to-home-hands-free-mama/

Whats funny about having read that post on FB is that I had this blog post started and saved to complete.

You see, I've been doing a bit of my own reflecting, prior to reading that excellent post.

My brothers called what I have been doing self-defeating and self-bashing, but I call it reflecting, damnit.

Hm, how do I set this stage......Crap happens in life and in relationships, that's really the best way I can vaguely give some background into what led me to start thinking this way. So, a bunch of crap happened and somewhere between then and now I also went back to my old job. A bunch of crap is what got me reflecting on my life in general and then going back to my old job is what made me take a look at myself through others eyes - similar to what the linked blog eludes to.

I went back to my old job after having left for a little over a year. I left because I felt very defeated and insecure. You see, I have a very A-type boss who is very good at what she does and well, I don't have an A-type bone in my body and do pretty much everything pretty half-assed. I'm pretty stubborn and pretty insecure (much to my surprise.....) I like to procrastinate and do things/work for other people instead of my own things/work - I like avoidance and I like praise from others since I never applaud MYSELF for a job well done. I like to say I have the best of intentions with things I say and do and become pretty damn defensive when my procrastination and avoidance and praise-seeking ways backfire in my face.

ugh, I annoy myself.

When I was here the first time around, I was a green little machine - soaking up the knowledge she so incredibly dished out and was learning the ropes of the industry. Mistakes were going to happen, that is how I would learn and she even told me it would be 12-18 months before she felt I would have earned my wings and would be educated enough to be an agent. Wonderful, hardcore teaching and learning going on there. However, 5 years down the line when I kept hearing the SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN and not understanding how to fix it and then becoming really defensive of it, I ran away to the first charming agent who swept me out of my chair and reassured me that I was a good agent worthy of praise.

I was constantly told to SLOW DOWN. I was told to focus. I was told to do my work.

I think and talk and act a mile a minute. It's how I live my life. I am constantly on natural speed. (NATURAL - I do not take speed, Lord help me if I ever did.....)

How was I supposed to slow down. It's just how I am. I couldn't get it through my head - which explains why I can't focus, DUH. So I naturally defended it - I am a mother with a 120 mile commute each DAY and a clock I'm trying to race with a million and one things to do and no help and I am freaking doing the best I effing can damnit and don't tell me to slow down how the hell am I supposed to SLOW DOWN??????????????????????????????????????????????????? (I defended it just like that, out of breath and run-on sentences and all, it's how I roll)

So I got sick of hearing it because I couldn't figure out how to do it. And I got sick of little mistakes being pointed out - didn't she see the big picture here? Who cares about this oversight or 'little' mistake, I commute so long to be here and I help out with stuff no one else wants to do, really, you are going to point this mistake out???? - and so, I left. I thought I was leaving to prove to myself that I was a good agent and knew what I was doing.

I later (as in like a week ago) realized I ran away, couldn't stand the heat and too damn stubborn to do something about it and found someone (another employer) to butter me up, make me feel good about myself and left.

Fast forward a year and a half later and I realized my mistake in a BIG way. So, I came crawling back and so graciously was given a second chance. (I think I was given a second chance because I had experience with an agency management system that the agency was going to purchase, so I had something going for me... but regardless, I was lucky to have been welcomed back)
Wouldn't you know it that now, almost a year later I'm being told to SLOW DOWN???????????????

Shoot me!

I mean yes, life is more hectic now that it was back then - I have an infant at home who is like super bad compared to my oldest and just as long of a commute and don't forget the older kid has crap to do like cheerleading and a little social life and is starting to grow things like attitudes, boobs and hormones - of COURSE I'M ON FAST FORWARD and STRESSED!! If I couldn't slow down then, how on EARTH could I do it now? Sigh........ and so began my quick downward spiral into insecurity and defeat again and along with it - mistakes. Little mistakes here and there. Some where because I was trying too hard NOT to make a mistake, others because I just felt defeated and didn't have it in me.

Driving home one evening I decided I was done with the pity party. I was not going to accept my fate that I was too stupid to be an insurance agent and not worthy to work for this agency. I LOVE this agency. I KNOW HOW TO BE AN AGENT! Why are there other working mothers out there who commute and coach cheer and raise a family and household who can do it and I can't? I'm not an idiot. I am not A.D.D. There is no reason why I can't do this, and no reason this is happening to me AGAIN.

I decided to stop thinking and stop defending and just look at myself through my bosses eyes and see what SHE saw wrong with me.

Oh. WOW.

Doing that just changed my life.

I decided to look at myself through her eyes. I literally said 'if I were Jan, looking at ME, what would I see.....' and I realized something:

(I like to use metaphors and analogies - in fact, I've been keeping lists of analogies I use and want to make a book lol.... analogies and metaphors are the only way I can comphrehend things sometimes....)

I learned that when someone asks me to bake and apple pie and gives me a recipe - I end up making a million half-assed pies OTHER than the apple pie and when I do make the apple pie, I've done it incorrectly because I wasn't paying attention. I realized in an effort to be productive and helpful, I do everything BUT what she wants me to do, in hopes offering her something that is useful, or helpful or somehow show her 'look!!!!! look at everything ELSE I can do too!' and when I give her the work she ASKED for, its incomplete, or incorrect. I was truly COUNTER PRODUCTIVE and not helpful at all. How stupid of me! I realize my INTENTION.... but my JOB is to follow instruction and just do as I'm told. I get it now.

So, it isn't my actual pace of speech that needs to slow down (i'm a fast talker too) it's me, trying to be productive and helpful, and get a million things done at once - like I do in all areas of my life - and I rush through things - that's where I need to slow down.

So, I've resolved to focus. Do one thign at a time at work. Not offer to help my co-workers because it isn't what earns brownie points around here - thorough, correct, productive work is. And I should just be ok with that. She has a recipe here and I need to just follow it and do it low and slow.

Doing this led me to want to spy on myself from EVERYONES eyes.
I started with Bailee.....
Oh wow.......

Myself, as a mother, through my own eyes:
~ hard working
~ loving
~ multi-tasking
~ kinda cool.....
~ strict and protective

Myself through the eyes of my daughter:
~ distracted
~ angry
~ tired
~ overweight and unhealthy
~ annoying and 'dorky'
~ edgy and anxious
~ over protective
(I realize she does love me, so I am sure there are nice sentiments in here somewhere....)

Is that what I wanted? Am I projecting the mother I want and am trying so hard to be?

Hardly.

She saw the results of me trying to be everytrhing, not getting to experience everythign I was trying to be. I was the 'mean' cheer coach (eeks.....) I am distracted at home when she is showing me her latest kindle app, or craft she made, I am too fat and clumsy to help her with cheer confidently or sled with her, I ruin the vacation at the beach because I'm constantly reminding her to be careful.

I'm nothing like I am trying so hard to be.

I've resolved to do the dishes after bed time, or only after dinner if everyone is occupied and happily content withouot me (that NEVER HAPPENS, RILEE!!!!!!!!!!!!) I am going to put my phone down more often and engage in conversation and actually watch - with both eyes - when she wants to show me something, no matter what it is. I am going to have more fun if it kills me (which it won't) and I am going to lead a healthier lifestyle and hopefully teach her you CAN be healthy and eat well. I am going to try my best to simplify life once I walk in the door at home and hang up all of my other hats at the door. I only get her, and Rilee, small once in my lifetime and I can't miss opportunites to BE the person I am trying to be.

Then I decided to look at myself through my husbands eyes....... lol........ well....... lets just say..... I realized where I suck.
I make no time for him - because I make time for everything else.
I let myself go - because I gave all my effort to everyone and everything else.
I'm emasculating and mean when I'm stressed out - because I am so stressed out by the overwhelming burden I put on my own shoulders and expect someone to rescue me from, someone like him.

Do I have an excuse for everything? Sure do.
Does it change the fact that he feels left out, emasculated and maybe even disgusted by me? Nope.
There is comprimise to be had between those lines. There is opportunity for communication and work to bridge that gap - I realize I have a lot of work to do.

It makes sense that my brothers say me doing this is kind of self-bashing - and actually the more I thought about it the more angry with myself I became.
I have to PRETEND to look trhough OTHER PEOPLES EYES to finally ADMIT to myself what I have known all along to be MY SHORTCOMINGS!!!!! Why can't I just look at MYSELF and say HEY SELF! YOU SUCK HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE! FIX IT!!!!!!!!!!

But, I cut myself some slack. I realize the majority of us can't even bring ourselves to pretend to look at ourselves through anothers eyes in the first place, so regardless of how I got here, I got here.
And I intend on taking a new direction.

I intend on slowing down. I'm racing to the finish line and that finish line is only made within reach at death.
I have a beautiful journey towards that finish line, and at the moment, I have a whole life ahead of me. I am not going to rush through it, leaving the ones I love in my dust. I'm also not going to wait for some bad news telling me my race is cut short to finally slow down and enjoy the journey.
I'm going to BE the person I am TRYING to be.
I'm gong to learn to simplify.
I am going to ask for help more often and let things go, too.

Maybe this will help.

TIOT: Bang Bang Shrimp (Paleo and Restaurant (somewhat) style)

Leave it to me...... I messed up the meal plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a reason - I can't remember why now - OH, the baby.

She likes to get me all flustered and leech onto my leg and throw fits and tantrums and make it literally impossible for me to do ANYTHING, let alone break down chicken wings and stand over a pan of frying grease..... yeah, right. She laughs at my attempts - LAUGHS AT THEM!!!!!!!!! (evil child)

Anyways, she threw a fit of all fits and I just wasn't in the mood to try and battle her and do my recipe.
I've also realized I am going to change the name on Wednesdays to Water Food or Whatever is Left Wednesdays and use that as a leftover day sometimes because I cook for a family of 4... of which 2 of us really only eat, and cooking every evening and having the leftovers pile up is wasteful and not the best management of my time - which I am also trying to do better at.

So, back to TIOT - I ended up making some hot wings, not the Chinese ones but I also made the bang bang shrimp, which would have been a future TIOT, but is being done now instead!

I've never had traditional Bang Bang Shrimp from any of the restaurants that serve it, but I have had what I believe is similar - Rock Shrimp from my local sushi restaurant. Crispy fried shrimp in some amazing slightly spicy sauce.... so good. Well these are great too!

You will need:

(Paleo Bang Bang Shrimp inspired from paleofondue.com recipe for Paleo Bang Bang Shrimp)

1 lb raw, shelled shrimp (any size, but I used medium)
4 tbs EV Coconut oil
deep medium size sauce pan for frying

(for the coating)
1/2 cup arrowroot starch - USE FLOUR FOR "TRADITIONAL" RECIPE AND ADD PANKO
2 tbs garlic powder
2 tsp red pepper flake
2 tsp black pepper
chopped green onion for garnish/taste
 

(for the dressing)
1/2 C mayo
1 tbs sriracha
1 tbs chili garlic paste/sauce
1 tsp rice vinegar (if desired)
1 tsb sweetener (sugar or replacement - I didn't use any)

Here is what to do:

 

Shell your shrimp and set aside.

Combine starch (or flour) and seasonings in bowl

Toss and coat all shrimp in 'breading'

**some will coat once, dip in an egg mixture and coat again - I felt the less coating the better, and they were still crispy and very well flavored, so do as you please here

In the saucepan, melt coconut oil on med-high heat to deep fry the shrimp - I used about as much oil as would cover the shrimp halfway and just flipped them during the frying process, not much oil is really needed

Place shrimp in pan, careful not to overcrowd and fry on each side, about 2 minutes at most, or until crispy and cooked through

 

While frying, combine the mayo, sriracha, chili paste and rice vinegar in a bowl, mix well

 

Place fried shrimp in a bowl and spoon about 2 - 3 tbs of the sauce on top and toss to coat evenly, garnish with green onion (which I forgot and am sad about because it would have been good)

the little fried goodies

sauce (lots of it - so good on EVERYTHING!) and little golden goodies

toss to coat!

drool........

 



Well I hope you enjoy this recipe as much as I did! My daughter didn't try them, but I am sure she would love them as she loves sriracha, and the husband approved (even in the coconut oil and with the starch!)

 

I will be making these OFTEN!



 

 



MEAL PLANNING MONDAY - 01/12/14 through 01/25/14

 



I decided to get my meal plans back on schedule with my pay dates (everything and I mean EVERYTHING happens according to my pay dates....) since I grocery shop each pay period.

I have a budget of $250 per pay period.....

I never stick to it and always blow it by at least $100 - but I have a goal and am working towards finally sticking to it.

SO here we are... I went shopping at Sams and spent exactly $250!!!!
Except I still have about $75 worth of crap to buy. AHHHH WELL......

WEEK 1:

RMM: Roast Beef, Broccoli, Cauliflower

TIOT: Chineese Not Teryaki chicken wings & Buffalo wings, cucumber salad

WFW: Bang Bang shrimp, egg rolls (filling only for me!) clear soup

TOWMT: Teriyaki turkey sliders, slaw, cauliflower

FIF: Eat Out!!!!!

Saturday-Faterday: Roast a chicken and make some more broth baby!

Sunday-Funday: dunno yet, gotta consult with the kiddo

WEEK 2:

RMM: Meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower

TIOT: Spicy pork-stuffed Portabella, cucumber and onion salad

WFW: Salmon, shrimp stuffed flounder, broccolinni, cucumber salad

TOWMT: Pork chops, green beans

FIF: Meatza??????

Saturday-Faterday: Matzo ball soup/beef and onion Chinese soup?

Sunday-Funday: dunno yet, gotta consult with the kiddo and hub

THE JOURNEY - January 2014

Date: January 9th 2014

Feeling: puffy, sad, fat and yuck

Weight: a lot at 2*5

Measurements: no clue

 

Welcome to the first JOURNEY blog post.

I started eating Paleo last week, made it pretty official on Monday 1/6/14, so this picture is pretty much exactly like I was when I started (maybe a little less bloated)

 

HOW I FEEL

I feel pretty ok. I have this weird thing that happens (I was told it happens when you stop eating carbs) but I eat, and will eat a lot and while I am eating, and after my meal, my stomach is in a

CONSTANT state of "about to growl" like I am hungry! ALL THE STINKIN TIMEEEEE!!! It drives me insane because I would like for it to just growl or just go away - nothing like always feeling like its about to rumble and it never does and feeling like I didn't just have a huge meal.

Today I did get the shakes and a bit light-headed around 11:30am - all I had up until that point was a cup of coffee - I need to be sure to eat in the morning. So I did have a piece of chocolate because I was freaking myself out and making myself feel like I would pass out. The chocolate helped and then I had lunch.

Because I know this happens when I get off the sugars/carbs, I need to be sure to eat at breakfast, or snack constantly until lunch.

I don't feel deprived, I never do eating this way, just that weird hungry feeling.

 

HOW I LOOK

I look like crap, wth do you think I am doing this?!?!!?!?!?!? My skin is SUPER SUPER SUPER yuck, my hair is drying out at the ends. I'm not retaining a lot of water so I am not super puffy, but I am just gross. Sorry I just am not feelin good this month and that is OK because next month I will feel better and each month after it will just get better and better!!!!

 

PROUD MOMENTS!

I've had one! On Tuesday I had to inspect a clients home and I had to go to court. On top of that I had a very unwelcome visit from Aunt Flo, had no power at the house on the COLDEST FREAKING DAY OF THE YEAR and was generally in a really funky mood. I found some money (because when I started out my day I had ZERO - card declined and EVERYTHING lol) and needed to get some lunch. I was like 'EFF IT! I'm mad and cold and hungry and broke and raggin' and pissy, EFF IT I'm getting McDonalds!" but I smacked myself and looked at the shopping strip and saw Jimmy John's and convinced myself that I would be MORE pissed at myself if I caved and ate poorly, and would feel BETTER on this shitty day if I decided to eat well! So, I did!

I got the J.J. Gargantuan UNWICH (sub with no bread, wrapped in iceberg lettuce leaves - I was ADDICTED to them last time I ate this way) and a pickle.

****Never eat an unwich with onions in your car... I smell onions days later.

 

NOT SO PROUD MOMENTS.....

I ate 2 donut holes last night.

And a bite of my daughters donut this morning (WTFFFFFFFFF did I buy donuts?!?!?!?!!?!?!?)

And 3 bites of my daughters Velveeta Shells and Cheese

anddddddddddd a cherry coke.

(I am super not OK with this, but I need to be honest and hold myself accountable if I am going to be the better person I am striving to be)

 

Thanks so much for following my journey on this blog. Any advice, support, encouragement, recipes - ANYTHING is always welcome! Thank you and see you on the journey this time next month!!!!!



TIOT: The recipe that didn't happen.... VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED

Well, this week we experienced the coldest day in our region in over 20 years.
Monday evening and into Tuesday, temperatures plummeted to -5.

And you know what happened Monday night???????

WE LOST POWER!

Around 9pm, as I was rocking the baby to sleep, the power cut out. And the temperature in our house came down, quickly.

I believe the lowest it got in the house was in the 40's. Thank GOD pipes didn't burst like some of our neighbors did.

Whatever happened damaged a lot of electrical equipment, apparently. We were out from 9pm Monday evening until about 5pm Tuesday evening.

Wednesday morning there were crews outside EVERYWHERE still as all underground wiring had to be replaced - IN THE COLDEST FREAKING TEMPS IN OVER FREAKING 20 YEARSSSSSSSS!

Poor guys, but so thankful for them restoring power.

So, I didn't cook a meal on Tuesday night - instead I cleaned up from Monday nights meal. So, I do not have my TIOT meal recipe and review blog. However, Monday night I did make....

HEARTS AND GIZZARDS!!!!!!
and I snapped photos!

I WARN YOU BECAUSE WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE MIGHT BE GROSS TO YOU. LOL. BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON A GIZZARD IS GROSS BUT RAW GROUND MEAT OR A BLOODY STEAK OR LIVERS ARE NOT GROSS..... BUT WHATEVER. IF YOU ARE A WIMP, THIS MIGHT BE GROSS. 

So, today's TIOT post will be my recipe (if you can even call it that) for Chicken Hearts and Gizzards!

CHICKEN HEARTS AND GIZZARDS

 

I've been eating hearts and gizzards since I was a kid. My step father introduced them to me, among many other ethnic foods. These really aren't ethnic, but I had never had them, and never would have if it hadn't been for him introducing us to different kinds of food. And, they are CHEAP. A serving offers over 30 grams of protein and at under $3.00 a package, it was a perfect food to feed our family.

 

I am not sure really where the gizzard is on a chicken, but I know it's part of the digestive tract that grinds up the food the chicken eats. And the heart is self explanatory.

 

Gizzards have a texture unlike any other 'meat' in that they are actually kind of crunchy. That's the best way to explain it.

 

My husband won't eat them at all due to the sound they make when I eat them, but he'll agree they smell amazing - so amazing my kid couldn't contain herself  and she had to try them for herself.

 

Once way to reduce the 'crunchiness' is to boil them, they become tender. I only eat them boiled on Thanksgiving, when they have been sitting at the bottom of the roasting pan in the broth from the turkey. Otherwise, I make them like this......

 

You will need:

 

1 package thawed chicken hearts and gizzards

2 TBS butter

1 TBS olive oil

2 tsp each of: garlic powder, salt, pepper, onion powder, season salt

medium saute pan

 

Here is what to do:

 

First you need to prep the gizzards. There is a shiny white/blue (and inedible) membrane/connective tissue that connects the two edible chunks of meat together (how you like that for a description?)

(the gizzard - made up of two little meat chunks and connective tissue between)

 

That tissue/membrane needs to be removed. I think this is what turns most people off to gizzards because you really can't eat this part. You remove the tissue by flipping over the gizzard and separating it from the meat by sliding the knife between the meat the the tissue

(this is the gizzards backside - you can see where the lighter color is the white part on the other side and the darker area is the meat)

(I took a sharp knife and placed it where the skin and meat meet and slid the knife under it, separating the meat from the tissue)

(finished, prepped gizzard - little meat chunk on the bottom and the connective tissue at the top)

 

(here is my cutting board when complete - gizzard meat to the left, discarded tissue to the right)

DO NOT prep or eat a gizzard if it looks like the one above. I have no clue what that shit is but its gross and, just, no. Just throw it away!!!!

 

Melt the butter and the oil in a pan, throw them bad boys in there and put all seasoning and let cook on a medium high heat, stirring often.

 

I generally cook them until they have all turned dark brown - on med/high heat I would say maybe 20 minutes.

 

Viola! The finished product (green things are Brussels sprouts)

They are 'crunchy' - and I LOVE THAT TEXTURE. As does my 9 year old. As will you.

 

I eat these right out of the pan with the sauce that they create - I am sure they would be excellent over rice - if you are into that kind of thing.

 

I'm beginning to think chickens are heartless animals, because every time I buy a package of gizzards and hearts, there are 0 - 1 hearts and the pack says "mostly gizzards" so I don't have a heart photo but, if you happen to get one, you will know its a heart. And, there is no prep for those - just put those prized nuggets (they are my FAVORITE) in with the gizzards and try not to let anyone steal them!

 

Seriously, try these, and enjoy. They are so, so delicious.

 

 



 



WARNING!!!!!!!!! I type like I talk.....

Just a warning......

I type like I talk.

run-on sentences, typos, BAD GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION and all.

I probably won't make sense at all and might be long and drawn out and boring.

LIKE ME! :)

SO, please don't laugh, or correct me, or judge me. I don't care how my blog reads, really.
The fact that I am even doing it and making time to do it (which is always at work, so it's kinda choppy) is good enough for me.

MEAL PLANNING MONDAY: 01/06/2014 thru 01/19/2014

Happy Monday!!!!!

can you even read this????? ugh the dumb thing won't let me insert my list from word so i had to take a picture with my phone.... arghhhhhh

I'm feeling mighty hyper today! Like WOAH. I think it's because I slept. Finally, slept.
I've been waking like every few hours every night. ANNOYING.

Anywho, today begins the BI-WEEKLY meal plan posts.
Here I will include my meal planner for the next two weeks.

* meals made on Try It Out Tuesdays will be photographed and blogged for review and recipe sharing later each week.

The majority of these recipes will come from Pinterest since I have a million pinned..... and I will include the link to the original recipe, like I've so thoughtfully done below....

This meal plan fell between pay periods, so it's a little bit of trying to clear out the fridge and not exceptionally planned. The next plan will be well thought out and probably much more full in the "to buy" section than this one since I have a lot on hand.

Since the pic quality SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSS because I had to use a cell phone photo.... here is the list:

WEEK 1:

          RMM: London Broil, Brussels sprouts with garlic aoli

          TIOT: BBQ pork quesadillas, salad

          WFW: Salmon with siracha cream sauce, asparagus

          TOWMT: Teriyaki turkey sliders, slaw, cauliflower

          FIF: Eat Out!!!!!

          Saturday-Faterday: Roast a chicken and make some more broth baby!

          Sunday-Funday: dunno yet, gotta consult with the kiddo

 

WEEK 2:

         RMM: Meatloaf, broccoli, cauliflower

         TIOT: Spicy pork-stuffed Portabella, cucumber and onion salad

         WFW: Salmon, shrimp stuffed flounder, broccolinni, cucumber salad

         TOWMT: Pork chops, green beans

         FIF: Meatza??????

         Saturday-Faterday: Matzo ball soup/beef and onion Chinese soup?

         Sunday-Funday: dunno yet, gotta consult with the kiddo and hub

 

Alright ladies (and gentlemen... if there are any here.... hello?) that is it for this meal plan!

I will blog again tonight with my..... WEIGHT STATS!!!!!!! EWWWW!!!!!



Why Paleo? I like steak and babies, so it just works, naturally.

With so many options for weight loss out there, one might wonder why someone chooses a specific diet plan. Why I choose the Paleo way of life.

I have never, ever been interested in counting ANYTHING - so weight watchers where my food earns points? No way. Or calories, only because anything low in calories is low in flavor in my book so I didn't even go there.

Back in the early 2000's (lol how the hell do you say that properly? do you say the early 2000's?)
Nevermind, in 2002 I started the Atkins diet. It WAS before the diet became popular. I did it at the advice of my grandmother who maintained a tiny little figure in her 20's and 30's on the diet and suggested it to me.

The diet appealed to me because of the meat. Andddd the cheese. OK, AND the alcohol.
Anyways, I've never been a big fan of pasta dishes. Rice and starches only appeal to me every so often, like when I'm sick or my uterus is having a temper tantrum. But I can eat meat every meal of every day. Especially red meat. And cheese. How I love cheese.

So, I researched a bit about the diet, saw steaks, alcohol, cheese and burgers on the list and promptly started on my 21st birthday.

I ate McDonalds every day - they have yummy scrambled eggs (or egg substitute) with cheese and I love their sausage and bacon. For lunch I would get a bun-less double cheese burger or a bun-less grilled chicken sandwich. I guzzled their unsweetened iced tea faster than they could brew it. I also would eat from Boston Market and Chicken Out and places like that. I very rarely had to cook at home but if I did I would make large portions of polish kielbasa sliced sauteed with 2 whole sliced onions, tuna or my favorite - chicken gizzards and hearts.
(I know you want the recipe... and I will share,  I got some last weekend when I shopped....don't you worry... lol)

I successfully lost almost 80lbs in under a year eating this way. Coupled with a TON of walking (up to 10 miles a DAY) and plenty of weekend dancing to the best live band on the east coast - Jah Works. And I drank the whole time! I would take $20 bucks to the bars with me, buy 2 vodka shots at the bar to get my buzz and nurse 2 beers to limit my carbs - DRUNK AND CHEAP!!!!!!! BEST.DIET.EVER!

Another weird thing happened as a result of this diet.

I got knocked up.

A few years earlier, I was told by my doctor when I was previously engaged out of high school that I would not be able to have children - that I have endometriosis. That endometriosis was what caused my infertility, missed and horrific periods and pain.

So, I remained in the bad relationship and stayed fat and unhappy and never got pregnant - so it must have been true.

Until I got smokin' hot after 7 months or so on the Atkins diet!

I think I was smokin' so don't take that from me lol!!!!!! You lose 80lbs and see if you don't develop a crush on yourself!

I got myself a boyfriend (current husband) and you know, did the stuff you do to have babies. I went to the doc, I said 'Doc.. I think I want to be put on birth control. I have periods regularly now and am active.' I was told ehhhhhhhh don't worry, you can't have babies but come back after your next period and if you still want to then we can review which is right for you because if you start it and fail to take it properly you could increase your chances of having a baby.

So, they denied me the BC and that next period never came. I was pregnant when I went to the doc.
(Side note - the freaking WOMAN GYNO did a breast exam during my appointment and verbally exclaimed that my boobs were 'malignant' and lumpy and looked at me weird when I cringed in pain from the sensitivity....... don't you think this stupid WOMAN (who also ended up delivering Bailee via c-section and freaking sewed me up CROOKED) would have MAYBE THOUGHT THAT I WAS PREGNANT BASED ON THE FACT THAT I'M REGULAR, LOST A CRAP TON OF WEIGHT, AM ACTIVE AND MY BOOBS ARE BIG, TENDER AND FREAKING LUMPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? sigh.)

Annnnywho, I had Bailee and I am so, so thankful for the ability to have had a child.
I battled with pretty severe Post Partum Depression after Bailee and was able to get on some meds to take care of it, but I slipped into another depression (called LIFE) for the next 7 years (who am I kidding, I'm still there) and put back the weight (and then some) and noticed a lot of other things come back with the weight that I didn't realize also left me when I lost the weight:

adult stupid freaking acne
skin condition called HS
skin tags on my neck
missed periods and infertility
hair loss and random hair growth
painful periods
pain - overall pain
big fat belly

There was a point where I didn't have a period for 5 months about a year after I had Bailee and had gained about 80lbs. I went to the doc and I had a sonogram done and it revealed my ovaries were covered in cysts! I was told they were no big deal, they were small. Lose weight and work out and periods will go back to normal.

Well, I did my own research after a friend told me she has PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I, through my own research and the official diagnosis from an endo, found out I also have PCOS (and insulin resistance - more on both of these later) And, in my research of PCOS I found the only REAL way to manage it.........

LOW CARB HIGH FAT/PROTEIN DIET.

Like the Atkins diet that worked a few years before.

It all made sense to me. My body literally doesn't function with sugars and carbs. In order to work, I have to eliminate those foods! But here it's been almost 10 years since I was on Atkins, and now I am aware of things like gluten and processed foods and carcinogens. I wanted to do this, but I wanted to do it the healthiest way possible. I wasn't concerned with the alcohol anymore, I was concerned with staying alive for my daughter.

And so, I began to surf (the web, still a bit too hefty to get up on a board, let alone put on a swimsuit) and found THE PALEO DIET.

And the rest.... is history and future blog posts (because I have to get back to work and can't type anymore and I need to save this topic for future blog posts........)

Oh... and BTW.... I don't have an ounce of endometriosis anywhere..... I am so upset I was given this diagnosis at  young age when I didn't have it.

First post of 2014!!! But it's mid-week so it's weird.....

Happy 2014!

New Years didn't fall on a Monday, and you know how we always start things on Monday.... this is no exception.

To recap what this blog will (hopefully) accomplish for me and what kinds of posts to look forward to:

MONTHLY weight loss progress reports titled: THE JOURNEY - (month)
BI-WEEKLY posts of updated meal planners (again, I only plan dinners and I plan 2 weeks at a time)
WEEKLY instruction and review posts of TRY IT OUT TUESDAYS recipe from the meal planner

I'm not quote comfortable posting my weight and measurements on here just yet, but on Monday when I start the first THE JOURNEY post, I will include a shameless selfie from that day as I also want to track this progress with photos. I find I lose weight, don't see it so much on the scale, but see it so evidently in the mirror. So that should help.

Monday I will also post the first meal plan of 2014!!!!!

Wednesday or Thursday of next week I should post the recipe review and instructions of the meal I made on Tuesday. I am curious to see how those photos will turn out lol!!!!!

I did start this journey yesterday, though. Bacon for breakfast (I have to get used to the mindset again that FAT is OK, though I should get better quality, nitrate free bacon) and prime rib with 4 veggies for dinner (broccolinni (or however its spelled) - which by the way is AMAZING! Reminds me of asparagus and not as much broccoli - green beans and shallots, sauteed mushrooms in a garlic cream sauce and buttered pearl onions)

So indulgent.

I hope to really live a 90% Paleo lifestyle, with major emphasis on eliminating gluten and wheat.
I am thinking when I am financially able to, I am going to so a 21DSD (21 Day Sugar Detox and this here is a great blog I follow and her results of this The Paleo Moms 21DSD experiment) followed by a Whole30 (with this blog to help me meal plan over at NomNom Paleo) and then top it all off with The Autoimmune Protocol (over here at The Paleo Mom again - follow her blog, so wonderful!)

But we'll see how it all goes.
For now, HAPPY NEW YEAR and thanks for coming here and helping me along the way!
If you have recipes you know are AMAZING and would like to share, please do! As always, all encouragement is welcome and I will give it right back!!! :)